Fix Your Sleep: What a Therapist Wants You to Know About Insomnia, Sleep Apnea, and What Really Works
Why You're Not Sleeping…and What You Can Do About It
If you’ve ever found yourself wide awake at 3 a.m. googling “why can’t I sleep,” you’re not alone. Millions of people struggle with insomnia, sleep apnea, and poor-quality sleep—often without knowing the real cause or solution. In a recent episode of Boy Meets Therapy, we sat down with sleep therapist Tony Ho to break down what’s actually happening when sleep becomes a struggle, and how to fix it.
The Most Common Sleep Disorders: Insomnia and Sleep Apnea
Sleep disorders affect people across all ages, cultures, and lifestyles. Tony explains that insomnia, or difficulty falling or staying asleep, is often misunderstood. It’s not always about the environment or bedtime routine. In many cases, it’s about our relationship with sleep itself.
Sleep apnea, another common but underdiagnosed issue, disrupts breathing during the night and drastically lowers sleep quality. Tony shares how untreated apnea can lead to brain fog, low energy, and even mental health issues like depression and anxiety.
CBT-I: The Gold Standard for Insomnia Treatment
One of the most effective, research-backed treatments for insomnia is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I). Unlike sleeping pills or melatonin, which may offer short-term relief, CBT-I addresses the root psychological and behavioral patterns that interfere with sleep.
Tony walks us through how CBT-I helps reframe unhelpful beliefs about sleep, builds healthier sleep habits, and removes the pressure many of us feel to “perform” at bedtime.
Melatonin: Hype or Help?
Melatonin supplements have become a go-to for people struggling to sleep, but Tony urges caution. Melatonin isn’t a sedative, it’s a signal to your brain that it’s time to sleep, not something that makes you sleep. Used incorrectly, it can disrupt your natural sleep cycle or leave you groggy.
Cultural Pressure and the Psychology of Rest
Tony also explores how cultural values around productivity and “hustle” contribute to widespread sleep issues. Many of us equate rest with laziness, and that mindset alone can lead to chronic sleep anxiety.
Tips from a Sleep Therapist: How to Improve Your Sleep Tonight
Here are some actionable steps Tony recommends:
Stop clock-watching: Obsessing over how much sleep you’re getting can increase anxiety and worsen insomnia.
Get out of bed if you can’t sleep: Lying awake reinforces wakefulness in bed. Do something calming in low light and return when sleepy.
Maintain a consistent wake-up time, even on weekends.
Limit screen use an hour before bed, or use blue light filters if needed.
Create a wind-down routine that signals your brain it’s time to sleep (e.g., dim lights, gentle stretching, reading fiction).
Final Thoughts: Rest Is Not a Luxury, It’s Mental Health
Sleep isn’t something we can force, and the more we try to control it, the more elusive it becomes. As Tony reminds us, sleep is a physiological process that thrives on rhythm, not restriction.
If you’re struggling with sleep, know that there are effective, evidence-based solutions out there, and help is available.
